50 ways to annoy voldemort
by InsanelyWitchyMango
Summary: she's outrageous! she funny! she positively loves annoying voldie! and she's...ALICE! R&R if you love bothering people to the bursting point! it may be over-used, but new ways! c'mon, you know you want to read it!
1. pinksparkles

99 WAYS TO ANNOY VOLDEMORT

**A/N**

**I know this is overused, but this has different things…..**

**MUAHAHAHAHA! Read on!**

**Disclaimer-I no own hp :c **

"BOOM!"_ That must have been the puzzles_I thought. I picked up my supplies and went to the table. I picked up a plain black mask with the name written inside. I felt an evil smile creep up onto my lips,_ this is gonna be good._

I picked up the glue and paintbrush and spread glue all over the mask. Then I picked up the huge shaker of silver glitter and shook it all over the mask. I waited for it to dry and then I shook off all the excess glitter.

Then I took a bag of multicolored rhinestones and hot glued them all over the edges. While I was doing this Wormtail came up to me, "What are you doing with all that sparkly stuff?" he asked.

"Is it any of your business what I am doing with all of this sparkly stuff?"

"No, but-"

"But what? Now leave me alone so I can attend to my sparkly stuff!"

And with that, he hurried off to wherever he was off to.

I turned my attention back to my sparkly creation. It was all dry now, so I snuck into the owner's room and took all her other plain black masks (and her wand just in case _mwahahaha!_) and hurried to sparkly-fy all of them.

When it was her wand's turn, I took out the glitter glue, unscrewed the top, and dipped the whole thing inside. When I took it out it was REALLY sticky.

I hurried to her room to put all of her new and sparkly-fied stuff back. It was kind of hard considering all of the glitter kept coming off.

I finally sneaked all of it into her closet.

_What else to do? _I thought questioningly. Another evil smile crept onto my face.

Voldemort's robes were to boring, and I knew just how to brighten them!

_I assume he likes pink._ Were my thoughts as I got the dye ready and got his robes out.


	2. why?

**READ!**

**This is how I annoy a lot of people! You may use it if you review!(**_Alice _**voldemort)**

_What is your favorite color?_

**Black**

_Why?_

**Because it is evil**

_Why?_

**A lot of evil people were it**

_Why?_

**Go ask them**

_Why?_

**Because you want to know**

_Why?_

**STOP SAYING WHY!**

_How?_

**I KEELLLLL YOOOUUUUUUUUU! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**


	3. believe!

**This note is a little longer…..**

**The thing is, I need more ideas! I am not one to copy published things!**

**This is a copy-righted story! **

"hey voldy, do you see that black beetle on your shoe?" Voldemort jumped into the air in panic. He looked all around his shoes. Finally , he calmed down and saw there was no beetle.

"No, Alice, I see no beetle" he said . I smiled sweetly and said, "You have to beleiveeeeeeeee!" I yelled.

I skipped away before he could _avada kadavra_ me.

**That was short cuz I did not have many ideas**

**Nerd**


	4. mirror,mirror

**I have noticed I don't have reviews…I WANT REVIEWS! **

I, being a metamorphogus, decided to give voldy a look at himself. I made myself as tall as him, shrunk back my hair, and in general, made myself to look like volders. I found him and followed him around _everywhere._ Well, except to the bath room. Once he turned around to me he stared shell shocked at me. Then, in a whisper just loud enough for him to hear, I said one word: "boo.". and he went screaming to his chamber. And never came out for days and when he did, he refused to look in the mirror.

**Kind of silly… but that's what makes it funny! (remember, I love reviews)**


	5. elmo  loves you!

**Please, reviews would be appreciated. I believe I am not a good writer!**

I set up the 36'' TV just how it said in the manual. Then, I instant downloaded a movie. When I saw the name, all I thought was _I hope he likes Elmo!_. Next, I burned it on a CD and inserted it in the CD player. I smiled evilly and called, "voldy! Bella! All the rest!".

In about ten minutes, I had them tied to the chairs, wandless, watching with horror filled faces, _Elmo: the movie._

After it was finished, volders was chanting the theme song so loud I put a silencing charm on him. Then, I took the imperius curse off him and he started to shout curses to every character like he memorized them

_Well, my job of annoying voldy today, is , not yet,_

I imperiused the death eaters to sing the theme song for the rest of the month.

_Now, I am done._

**And we all lived happily ever after. Except for voldy. REVIEW!**


	6. roommates   and  accents

Once we sat down to eat, voldy moldy made an announcement. "from now on, we shall have roommates." .every one stifled groans.

"the first pair is…Bellatrix and Alice." he continued. He looked up and I raised my hand. "yes, Alice?" he asked warily.

I stood up and said in my best miley Cyrus western accent(very good): "no nose n no hair guy with creepy red eyes say what?" very fast. Volders looked stunned for a moment then stood up and yelled, "I WILL KEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUU!" and whipped out his wand. And then I apparated. At least I didn't die!


	7. no  talky  machinery

"hey, voldy, what is your favorite food?" I asked innocently. "I'm not going through that why thing again" he answered. "I wont ask you more questions after that" I promised. He then started to list his favorite foods, "cheese bread, unseasoned fries, garlic bread.." the rest of his sentence was drowned by me putting my hand over his mouth. He looked at me angrily. I shrugged and said, "I'm testing my new machine.". he looked at me questioningly. "it's called the no talky machine." He took out my grip and put his hand on my mouth. "how do you like it now?" he asked triumphantly. I shrugged and licked his hand. He yowled and went to his study.

The next day, a new portion of the death eaters handbook came out and it said:

_No one is allowed to lick the dark lord's _ _hand._

How interesting.

**Alice wants reviews! If you review, you may pop up in the story! (just give a name for yourself.)**


	8. I wanna sleepover

"Pleasseeeeeeeee!" I asked for the hundredth time that day. "no" voldemort said for the equally numbered time that day.

"not fair" I pouted . "yes fair" he countered.

"I want a sleepover or I will morph myself to look like a certain some body and scare out your wits!" I screamed.

"NO!" he screamed. I giggled. He growled. "you sound like a little girl" I giggled. "your eye is twitching" I observed. "would you like a lemon drop?" I asked on a brighter note. All this time he was trying to get a word in.

"NO I DO JOLLY NOT WANT A BLOODY LEMON DROP!" he yelled. I looked down meekly and mumbled "you could of just said".

"YOU MADE A LITTLE GIRL CRY!" I yowled.

He looked woe-be gone. I smiled and asked " now how about that sleepover?" I asked, smiling.

"O.K." he said, sighing

_Man, I am good._ I thought as I skipped to my room to make arrangements.

**to appear in the sleepover, you must review with your name,age,fave color, etc**


	9. volders  daughter

**I want reviews**

While I was sitting on the piece of stone which juts a foot under the roof, voldy and snape were passing. _Perfect _ I thought to myself.

And I started to sing,

_Snape, snape ,Severus snape,_

_DUMBLEDORE!_

_Snape, snape, Severus snape ,_

_DUMBLEDORE!_

_Ron, Ron, Ron WEASLEY!_

And so on.

_Singing' a song, all day long, at HOOOOOOGWARTS!_

_I found the source of the mysterious ticking noise! It's a pipe bomb!_

_YAY!_

**BOOM!**

"what the bloody hell" voldy started, but I imperiused him.

_Voldy, voldy, voldy, vold, VOLDEMORT!_

"is happening?" he finished.

"why, Tommy boy, did you know, I am your daughter?" I said.

"you are lying!" he spat.

"use veiterism" I countered. We did the results. He was my dad, Snape watched the evidence with wide eyes.

The next thing I know, the gossip is,

**Alice is the dark lord's daughter.**

Well I can annoy him in peace now.


	10. tweaked  songs  and  calling  of  daddy

During the death eater meeting, I got bored. So I just tweaked my all-time fave song a bit. Then I started by imperius-ing snape. And the results,:

_Snape, snape, Severus snape,_

_BELLATRIX!_

_Lucius, Lucius, Lucius MALFOY!_

_Maaccnaiiirrrrrrrr!_

_Peter Pettigrew!_

"What the hell_" voldy began. Oh, wait, he's daddy now.

"_daddy,_ can I have a hundred galleons?" I asked.

"Will you leave me alone then?" he asked hopefully.

"for a certain amount of time, sure." I shrugged. And he threw a _large_ bag at me. It seemed about a thousand galleons.

" wow, daddy, I must _really_ annoy you" he nodded. "well I'm doing a good job then." I said as I left.

"oh, yeah and daddy, I personally think you are demented, wanting to kill a sweet little boy like potter. Bye!" I added.


	11. SLEEPOVER! Prt1

**Hey everybody! It's now time for Alice's AMAZING sleepover….and you're all invited! But you HAVE to review..ok?..GREAT! Let's get this party started!**

I ran my eyes over the guest list one last time:

-Trudi

-Skye

-Annie

-Kylie

-Alice (not me Alice, another Alice ;)

"DING DONG!" the doorbell rang. I ran to the door and there stood Alice (the other one people!). She was standing there in her turquoise pajamas and matching sleeping bag.

"Come on in!" I crowed excitedly. She came in and ran straight to 'daddy'.

"Hello your Evilness The Dark Lord! I'm your biggest fan! And not the one which goes 'whir whir' and gives you cool air!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Okay then…." The 'His Evilness' said uncertainly. I left Alice to annoy daddy some more and ran to open the door which had just gone 'DING DONG!' and to reveal my friend Kylie who was wearing a pair of frilly lavender pajamas with peace signs all over them and holding a matching notebook and pen. "Hello Little Grasshopper," she joked. I pulled her inside and whined "I don't like grasshoppers , they're so like eeeew! I like butterflies better."

She ignored me and drew a picture of a lion eating Volders. She wrote a caption saying 'Gryffindors eat that!'. I led her to Voldy and left her with Alice. I went to go get some cupcakes for everyone when I heard a 'POP' and Skye was sitting on the arm of Voldie's armchair. There came another 'POP' and Trudi was there sitting on the other side of the chair. Voldy screamed and ran up to me.

"Did you invite people to your party or monsters that appear out of nowhere?" he asked. "HEY!" I exclaimed "It's called apparating , I would think you as such a powerful wizard would know that. Or do you prefer flying around as a bodiless head? 'Cuz I can make that happen just for you daddy-dear if you insult my friends again!" He ran away from me hurriedly.

"Nice one girl!" everyone exclaimed and hurried up to give me high fives.

"Yeah I know I'm Awesome…." I said knowingly.

Kylie was still writing in her notebook. I ran up to her. "What on earth could you possibly be writing?" I asked her.

"I thought we could play a little prank" She showed me her notebook with a mischievous look on her face.

**QUESTIONS FOR THE DARK LORD**

Dear Darkest Evil Mastermind,

We would like to ask you a few questions which will be printed in our magazine 'Tribute to The Evil Ones' So please answer them as honestly as you can.

Do you ever wish that you were the owner of hair?

What about a nose?

Have you ever had girlfriend? EVER?

Are you _really_ a pureblood?

What's your favorite movie?

How about your favorite store?

Do you have a good recipe for oatmeal cookies?

Sincerely,

The Crew of 'Tribute to The Evil Ones"

"This is AMAZING!" I said. Let's do it!

**I bet you can guess what's going to happen in the next chapter which will be available soon on a computer near you (but only if you review)! :)**


	12. SLEEPOVER! Prt2

**Part 2 . the prank**

When we were still laughing our heads off, Annie apparated in. "'sup. Whasso funny?" she wanted to know. We filled her in and continued to laugh like maniacs. After about ten minutes, we calmed down and started planning. We printed the questions so they looked real. We took Skye's new owl, misty, and sent the letter. Misty was back within two minutes. We read his answers and you can guess why we LOL –ed.:

_did you ever wish you were the owner of hair?_

_- yes, but it has it's advantages._

_2. what about a nose?_

_- I would like a nose. But no nose makes me look evil_

_ you ever had a girlfriend? EVER?_

_- yes, I did. She was myrtle. Moaning myrtle. But in my defense, that was before I knew she was a mud blood_

_ you really a pure blood?_

_-no, I'm not. My mother was a squib pure blood and married a muggle_

_5. what's your favorite movie?_

_-Elmo, Lillo and stitch and my all time fave is Hannah Montana_

_6. how about your favorite store?_

_-I like Libby lu's, the Disney store and Claire's_

_ you have a good recipe for oatmeal cookies?_

_-yes, I do. It has a nice, light taste and it's super SWEET!_

To top it off, his hand writing was curly and the 'I' 's were dotted with flowers. We roared. "hey, let's send this to the Quibbler." I joked.

Within the week, the Quibbler headline said 'voldy interview' by Alice riddle(that's me!). Then, daddy took all the copies he could find and 'incendio'-ed them. Next, he threw all the ashes into the lake.

**Virtual cookies to you. Use them wisely and REVIEW! **


	13. April's  fools

**Sorry I haven't up dated I was delayed pls forgive me!**

_April fool's day. _The calendar day was embroidered. _I love my job! _

I skipped to daddy's side. "daddy, did you know" I paused mysteriously.

"old dumble's back!" I whispered. He jumped up. " WHAT THE beeeeeeep ING beeeeeeep!" he shouted. "daddy, that's language should not be exposed to children!" I whispered forcefully. He calmed down.

"but you said Dumbledore's back!" he complained. I blinked. _Oh, yeah._

_Forgot._ "APRIL'S FOOLS!" I shouted in his ear.

He winced and walked away, muttering.

"**Pwish weevyoo!" that was my cousin, 1 and half she can barely talk(she's 1! ) review for her! **


	14. tanki

**Review 4 my cuzzie **_**pwish**__ Alice_** voldemort**

**We shall kill potter tonight!**

_No, we shall kill _potter_ tonight, not potty!btw, can _I_ go to the potty?_

**NO!**

_I am sorry. Can I go to the potty _-

**SHUT UP**

!

**Fine, go for all I care!**

_Tanki!_

**Review for 1 & a half yr old!**


	15. paintastics and colors

**Review, please, I need feedback!**

I put the finishing touches on my sketch. "hey, daddy, I drew a picture! Should I color it?" I asked daddy, who was sitting in an armchair right near the table I was working on.

"sure, whatever" he replied absent mindedly.

I took out my paintastics and open them. "um, daddy, should the sky be cobalt blue or sapphire blue?" I asked attentively.

"Cobalt" he grunted. I painted it, keeping in the lines.

"Daddy, should the grass and leaves be emerald green or bottle green?" I questioned. "Emerald, for all I care!" he grunted. I painted.

"Should the bark be hazel or chocolate brown?" I asked, waiting for him to explode. "AREN'T YOU OLD ENOUGH TO CHOOSE YOURSELF!" he exploded.

"Then I guess you don't want to pick what purple the flowers should be" I sniffed.

"NO!" he shouted.

"Fine, don't have to shout!" I shushed him.

**I didn't really get to the point, did I? **


	16. introducing the  LAPTOP!

**Please, review, I had a tough school day, as grade five Tanzanian who has skipped second grade! Review to make me happy! Even if the review is a little as my thumb! (my thumb is very small, mind you!) commence chapter!**

"Hey, daddy, I got you a gift!" I declared cheerily. "Can I have it?" he said triumphantly.

Daddy was in a good mood. I have no idea why, though.

I rummaged around my black knap-sack frantically.

"Aha! Here it is!" I said as though I had wrestled a bear. (Which I have!) I pulled out a grey laptop from my knap-sack.

"Here it is!" I handed him it. "What is it?" he asked full of wonder.

"It's a muggle device_" I began, but he cut me off.

"Muggle! Get it away from me!" he hissed. I stared at him hurt. "But I have an idea of how we can lure Harry Potter here with this!" I said, pointing at the laptop. Pause. "I'm listening…"

"we could make an anonymous e-mail and lure him here!" I narrated my simple plan.

"Good…"

He went to go try. After awhile, he called for me.

"Whassup?" I asked as I walked in. "It says some thing about invald e-mail!" he whined. I looked at the screen.

"Oh, yeah, I don't think he has an e-mail" pause. "Or even a computer…"

"!" He bellowed.

**Did I mention, some stories have 2 chappies, and 104 reviews! It's not fair!**


	17. the  darkside's  monthly cookie payment

**Yay! Another update! Review cuz you love me, review cuz ya love me.**

"We're going to recruit Sigin tonight!" daddy declared. I said nothing. He looked relieved I said nothing.

Voldy crept behind Sigin, the powerful, evil wizard who didn't know daddy had resurrected.

"Sigin, my old follower, I guess you were waiting for me" he said menacingly. "Come to the dark side…_we have cookies!"_ I piped up from the rear.

Sigin came to the dark side. But he wanted cookies, but the dark side month's cookies had mostly been eaten by wormtail.

So Sigin went away. Daddy was mad at me.

But I don't know why.

**Chocolate cookies to be exact. Review, it makes me write longer, funnier chapters because the reviews stimulate my creative brain cells! So, in simple, review! **


	18. no  more  meetings

**Yup, no updates. Sorry, I was busy…**

**With my first official book! REVIEW!**

Voldy swept in.

"Killing", he said briefly. I raised my hand.

"Yes" he called.

"How about we start by killing… time! By not coming to these stupid meeting!", I reported.

I was struck with some inspiration and stood up.

"NO MORE MEETINGS! NO MORE MEETINGS!", I repeatedly chanted.

"ALICE!" he bellowed.

"EEK!" I apparated away.

**Me and my friend had a crazy debate. I was like WIZARDS!, and she was like CHEESE! And we pushed each other a bit hard, but play fully. Then we started asking everybody in the class.**

**She said that the teacher had said cheese, although wizards won. But she said it wasn't over. And it isn't.**

**Muahahaha!**

**Bye!**


	19. name calling

**Dunno if this is good… just review. I welcome flames. My mommy gets happy when I get reviews. Review for you mommy!**

Dark lord was sitting in a chair, staring into oblivion. Perfect timing.

"Dad!

Daddy!

tommy-boy!

moldy shorts!

voldie!

volders!

dork lard!", I paused between saying each name. no stirring.

"dishwasher name!

Seven soul man!

Man who let the boy live!

Present-tongue **(parsel-tongue also sounds like parcel tongue, parcel becomes gift!)** !

Cookie-man!

Flower writer!", I said, louder, with better names.

"WHAT!", he screamed.

"Hi!", I squeaked and apparated away.

**If you vote for wizards on the Wizards VS. Cheese debate, Review! If you vote cheese, I Hate You! But Review all the same! Bye! REVIEW! **


	20. bald, shiny  heads

**This is what I do. I even did it to my sister's friend! You aren't welcome to steal! R&R!**

"SHUT UP YOU MONGRELS!", daddy yelled, beside himself. I crept behind him.

I slapped him on the back of his head.

"DON'T SAY BAD WORDS!", I screamed.

! !

"Do you surrender, Potter?", Voldy snarled. I crept up on him and hit him extra hard on the back of his head.

"DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!", I yelled.

! !

"Give me grape-fruit!", moldy shorts yelled. I crept be hind him and hit him extra-mega-super hard on the back of his bald shiny head.

"DON'T BE RUDE!", I shouted.

! !

"Worm tail, may you please get me some lemonade?", daddy asked politely. Once wormy had scurried off, I crept behind him and smack!, no make that _smack!_, no actually, make it _SMACK!_, nah, scratch that, it should be _**SMACK!**_

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?", he screamed.

"Oh, I just like smacking your bald, shiny head", I said innocently.

"ALICE!", was the last thing I heard before I apparated.

**Yeah, kind of lame. Sorry! But still review!**


	21. head  and toes

**Yeah, this came while I was eating fish sticks. R&R! if you like fish sticks! Still do it even if you don't!**

Daddy walked in to the room.

"HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL! HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL! ALL THE KING_"

Daddy walked out and I stopped singing abruptly. He walked back in.

"'S HORSES AND ALL THE KING'S MEN COULDN'T PUT HUMP_", I continued. He walked out.

And walked in experimentally.

"TY TOGETHER AGAIN!", he groaned.

"Yes daddy dear?", I asked innocently.

"I HATE THAT NURSERY RYME!", he screamed.

"Even more than…", I paused.

"HEAD, SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES, KNEES AND TOES! EYES AND EARS AND MOU_", I stopped because he had ran out. He peeked back in. "TH AND NOSE_". I paused.

"Oops, no offence daddy. That's just part of the song."

I continued. "HEAD, SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES!", I finished off. His eye was twitching.

"Your eye is twitching. Do you want a lemon drop? Hey! Déjà vu!", I said, holding out a jar of sugar coated sour lemon drops.

"ALICE!", he yelled, his eye twitching so much it could fall.

I apparated.

**Do you like it? it's kind of dumb, but I love that nose part!**


	22. apples are healthy!

**Hey people! You guys are great, just keep the reviews coming! And to ****ghostmctavish, it's OCC. And April fools…**

I carried my apple into the death eater meeting.

Daddy started. "So, tonight they move potter how…", he turned around to look at the sneak o scope, which was twirling and whistling. I took a bite of my apple. He turned around suddenly.

"What are you doing?", he hissed.

"I'm eating an apple!", I replied.

"Why!", he hissed.

"It's healthy. Want a bite?", I asked, holding out the apple.

"NO, YOU INSIGNIFICANT CREATURE!", he screamed, steamed up now.

"But it's healthy, DADDY!", I said.

"I don't care!"

"EAT IT!", I screamed, stuffing this into his mouth.

He chewed. "Hey, this is kind of good!", he exclaimed.

"And it's healthy!"

**Pretty short. I know it's undeserved, but could you please review? Thanks!**


	23. yawning

**Next chapter! REVIEW! They make me feel special!**

Daddy kept on droning on.

And on.

And on.

And I yawned.

"If this seems boring, you can take your chances with the aurors!", he injected.

"No, yawning is good for you!", I replied.

"How?", he asked.

"Because when you yawn, you give a burst of air to your brain, thus keeping you awake", I recited.

I yawned to show my point and added one more thing.

"I'm trying to keep awake so I don't fall asleep out of boredom".

"ALICE!"

And I apparated away.

**It's true! Yawning does keep you awake! REVIEW!**


	24. random  questions, random  times

**Hey, people, your reviews are totally awesome! But, please, don't give me ideas. I tried writing one of the ideas, but when I finished, I felt guilty. Kay? So, commence the chapter.**

It was 11:33 PM. I got out of bed, prepared to annoy voldy.

I went to his door and rapped on it loudly. He came blundering to the door. "WHAT?", he asked, angry.

"What's the difference between muffins and cupcakes?", I asked, curious. He stood dumbfounded.

I took my chance and hopped away.

! !

Daddy was dueling with the one and only Potter.

I went up to him and tapped his shoulder.

"What, Alice?", he hissed. I fired away.

"How do you breathe?", I asked. He stood dumbfounded. I skipped away, and Harry stunned him, but he recovered.

! !

Daddy was coming back from a triumphant duel with some by-stander. It was the main course of chicken, and just after daddy took his thirty-second bite (yes, I counted), I asked my question.

"How old are you?", I was referring to his wrinkles. He stopped, mid-chew, and was almost paralyzed. I skipped away, having finished my portion of fish.

! !

Daddy was reading from the new death eater handbook during a meeting.

I asked my vital question.

"Do you know how to fold a paper airplane?", I asked, innocently.

He stared, dumbfounded.

I apparated as he had recovered and screamed, "ALICE!", way to keep up tradition, daddy.

**Sorry, please review, though I know it's lame. Review for my cute little ** **cousin! Bye!**


	25. are you for real?

**R&R or I'll become Alice and You voldy… BEWARE ME!**

I walked over to daddy. I had just watched this really funny Hindi movie, with English subs.

I was just about to tell daddy about it, but I had a better idea.

I walked into his plain view. Before he could say a thing, I poked him hard in his forearm.

He jumped a foot into the air. "Why did you just poke me?", he asked, stunned.

I shrugged.

"I was checking if you're real!", but I paused.

"Oh, wait, no one could use poly-juice on you because of…", I gestured to his bald, shiny head.

"ALICE!", he roared.

I sighed. "That's my cue!", and I apparated away.

**You know you loved it! REVIEW FOR THE TORTURE OF VOLDERS!**


	26. eggs  for  dinner

**I already had this idea from the third chapter, but I was putting it off. R&R if you love cookies!**

I had my nose buried into a dictionary as I walked to the dining table.

Daddy snickered at me. "Well, looks like, instead of world dominance, my daughter's a nerd", he scoffed.

I gasped. "You…you…", I looked at my dictionary for a second. "You ovum!", I said.

He looked confused. "What does that mean?", he asked.

I shrugged.

"I don't know but in this dictionary, it says, 'an egg'", I paused.

"W-o-w", I stretched it to three syllables.

"I just called my dad an egg", then I burst out laughing.

Daddy put a tomato to shame and screamed,

"ALICE!"

"BYE!", I screeched and apparated.

**Yeah, you can look in the dictionary if you want, because I had just opened at random, wrote it, and typed the meaning. R&R if you love that, the only time her name is said, is when he yells!**


	27. Redecoration room

**I know this is lame, just read it!**

I crept into daddy's room while he was having dinner. I picked up my wand. "Accio, Pink Paint!", and I summoned a lot of other similar things. I enchanted them to do their respective jobs, and muttered, "Mufliatto", pointing my wand towards the door.

A good half-hour later, daddy still dining, the room was finished.

I had a good laugh, counter- spelled the door and crept out again.

! !

The next morning…

"ALICE!", daddy yelled from his room. I smirked and went in. "Yes, daddy dear?", I greeted him.

"MY ROOM!", he bellowed. I looked around his room. It was all pink, fluffy, and the theme was power-puff, with their faces enlarged EVERYWHERE.

"Yes, it looks better.", I stroked my chin. "Something's diff_"

He cut me off.

"ALICE!", he screamed.

"I'm going! Yeast!", and I apparated away.


	28. Good Ol' Bucker

**R&R because you love western accents. If you don't, R&R**

Daddy walked into the room, looking confused.

I walked from behind the mechanical bull.

"Hey y'all want a ride on Bucker here?", I made my best farm girl impression.

"Uh…", he was cut off as I whipped out my wand and levitated him onto the bull.

I turned the settings on high, just one notch before completely high, with the flick of my wand.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING!", daddy yelled as the bull bucked him up and down.

I turned the last notch and he stayed on for a second, and fell, flat on his face.

I poked him with my wand in the back. "Is he alive?", I whispered.

He turned his face. "ALICE!", he screamed.

"He's alive and angry!", I squeaked and apparated to safety.

**R&R if you like "He's alive and angry!"**


	29. Old picture albums

**Sorry for the delays, I was just thinking which idea to do. R&E&R (Read & Enjoy & Review)**

I looked at the colossal book-shelf in daddy's study. I walked up the ladder to the top-shelf, browsed around and brought down a leather-bound book reading 'PICTURES', in fancy lettering.

On the spine, however, in red, it was scribbled, 'DO NOT TOUCH'.

I took it to the living-room and sat down to browse.

! !

Daddy came in and saw that I was just turning pages, not reading. I'm sort of a read-a-holic, just to annoy daddy.

"What are you reading?", he asked.

"Oh, I'm not reading, just looking at the pictures, it's not a book, it's a photo album", I replied.

"Whose pictures?", daddy inquired.

"Oh, I just saw it lying around…", I trailed off as daddy shrugged.

"On the top shelf of your bookshelf", I concluded.

"WHAT!", daddy yelled.

I held up the picture. It was of daddy, in his fifth year, dressed up as a clown, making funny faces.

I pointed out another, of him dripping wet from head to toe.

"You looked so cute…", I trailed off dreamily.

"What happened to you?", I asked with a disgusted look, gesturing to him.

"I mean, like you are so handsome, tan, muscled, but now, ", I gestured towards him again. "You are bald, waxy skin", I listed off.

"And, heck, you don't even have half a nose_", I was cut off by daddy screaming, "ALICE!", as I apparated away.

**Hey, you enjoyed? Constructive critics is welcome, just preferred in a review.**

**THANKS!**


	30. Oh  really?

**HELLO! R&E&R**

Daddy walked into the room, having planned something to demolish Potter.

"I've thought of a great new idea for demolishing Potter!", daddy sang.

Told you.

"Oh really?", I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's built off your laptop idea!"

"Oh really?"

Daddy frowned.

"Yes, all we have to do is have control over one of his friends"

"Oh really?"

"_yes_", he hissed, eyes narrowing.

"Then we can have them convince him into getting a letter burn account thingy" **(Letter-burn is Hotmail, OK?)**

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, then we could get the address and pro_", but he was cut off.

"Oh really?", and that was the last straw.

"ALICE!"

"APPARATE!", I yelled and did exactly that.

**Well, um, review for Alice!**


	31. Vanishing  of  imbeciles except Alice

**I UPDATED!R&E&R**

All was quiet when I walked into the room. I sat down and read. But I couldn't do it for long.

"HI DADDY!", I yelled. Daddy hissed.

"WHY IS IT SO QUIET!", I screamed. Everybody glared at me, including Lucy's son, um, I think it's Dracula or something?

Anyway, daddy hissed louder.

"CAN SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING?", I yelled.

Daddy went on hissing and Nagini appeared.

"IT'S A SNAKE! DADDY IT'S GOING TO EAT EVERYONE!", I yelled.

Nagini hissed but daddy quietened her.

All was quiet for about 3 minutes, then…

"THE QUIET IS MELTING MY BRAIN!", I yelled.

Dracula guy snorted.

"You have one?", he scoffed.

"DADDY HE'S BEING MEAN TO ME! _STUPEFY!"_, I yelled.

Dracula fell to the floor, but recovered in a few seconds.

"You're fast, I grant you that, but you are crazy", he shook his head.

"NO! I'M INSANE, YOU IMBECILE!", I yelled.

"What the hell is an imbecile?", Dracula asked.

"MY POINT EXACTLY, IT'S DRACULA THE IMBECILE!", I yelled.

"Dracula? My name is Draco!", he said indignantly.

"AND YOU ARE AN IMBECILE! BEGONE!", I yelled and vanished him.

"Alice, he was the main key in my new plan!", daddy said angrily.

I stared at him hard, and said, "You are an imbecile too!", brightly.

"ALICE!", he screamed. And, instead of apparating, I vanished myself temporarily.

**REVIEW! Otherwise Alice shall vanish you, so review, or, BEGONE!**


	32. Death Eater Anthem

**R&E&R**

I looked around the meeting, bored out of my mind. I remembered the song I had read online.

I began to hum it. Then a mischievous smile lit my face.

I tapped daddy on the shoulder, and gesturing to the plexi-glass podium, I said, "May I?" Seeing the glint in my eye, he stepped down.

I stated by saying, "I have taken my time and effort to make this a good anthem. Sing along if you wish", and I proceeded to sing the song as loudly as possible.

"_Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?  
When all is dim and dark?  
Who murder people in their beds  
Or sometimes in the park?  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
Our blood is pure as pure!  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
We all love Voldemort!  
We serve the Dark Lord every day,  
We're always very loyal  
And if with us you don't agree  
We'll boil you in hot oil!  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
We're evil as can be!  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
But if we're scared we'll flee!  
Our curses are incredible.  
We're known for our Morsmordres  
And though our leader is insane  
We always follow orders.  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
We're wickedness collective!  
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!  
Yet rather ineffective!"_

I finished off. "NOW SING ALONG!", I yelled and imperiused them to sing the song as loudly as possible.

Not able to bear it any more, voldy screamed, "ALICE!", just as I apparated, leaving him with the singing death eaters.

**Thanks to an Artists Account, I took this from her profile.**

**REVIEW FOR MY COUSIN! **


	33. Blue Ink Tees

**R&E&R because I updated earlier than expected!**

It was night-time and I was sneaking into voldy's room, a duffel bag over my shoulder.

I opened his closet with a nonverbal spell, and emptied the contents of the bag inside, taking away each and every normal black(/pink) robe.

I sneaked back into my room and laughed myself silly to sleep.

_The next morning…_

Daddy stormed out of his chamber, dressed in a skirt and…

Well, the skirt was not the most Hilarious thing.

The T-shirt was.

It was over-sized and rainbow colored, but that wasn't all that.

On the shirt, it said,

"_Voldy supports Harry Potter Fully,"_

That was just the front.

The back said,

"_And would love to dip his hair in blue ink"_

And, still, the side said,

"_In kindergarten, sitting behind him"_

So, surprise, surprise, once daddy was in the dining room, he screamed.

No, he yelled.

Or, he gave himself a run for his money.

But either way, there was one word he bellowed.

"ALICE!", which made me apparate.

**Based on the proverb that the boy who likes you will dip your hair in blue ink and the rest. REVIEW!**


	34. Table music

**R&E&R**

Daddy was having a few news reporters from the REAL 'Echo of Evil' magazine.

He laid out some of the best silver and china, and very few were allowed to be at the Dinner. I bugged daddy to no end, so he gave in.

The reporters were sitting nervously and fidgeting.

One particularly brave reporter asked daddy, "So, my lord, who do you count as your most faithful servant?"

Daddy opened his mouth to answer, and I started to tap the table with my fork, gently at first and louder.

Daddy had to shout, while looking as annoyed as the reporter. "SNAPE!". Snape looked greatly pleased at this, the greasy git.

I stopped my fork-tune tune abruptly.

Another reporter inquired, "Do you wish to have more minions?"

Daddy started to say, "Depend_", but I started to sing, "_Here I am, once again, feeling lost but now and then, I breathe it in, to let it go, 'cuz you don't know what you want now, what it would come to if only somebody could hear"_

"DEPENDING ON QUALIFICATIONS!", daddy bellowed.

He and the reporters looked highly annoyed, and I looked innocent.

"So, exactly what qualifications are required?", a reporter drew in a breathe, waiting for my music. I smiled politely.

Daddy looked at me too, and started talking. I pretended to listen. "Well, of course, stealth is important", the reporters nodded, and I imitated them.

"Also, experience_", so suddenly, in a flurry of movement, I was banging my fork and spoon on the table, stamping my feet and singing, "_Live life, breath air, I know somehow we're gonna get there, and feel so wonderful…"_

"IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND PRACTICE SHOULD BE REGULAR. ALICE, BE QUIET!", he yelled. Loud. Really loud.

"Jeez, baldemort, you didn't have to make so much noise, we have guests", I gestured towards the reporters.

"ALICE!", he yelled as the Quick Quotes Quills were scribbling furiously.

"BYE!", I yelled, louder, and apparated.

**Yes, a little hypocrital, but that's what makes it funny!**


	35. I like Gum

**Hello, my readers! As it seems, nerdypants14 did not fit me, so I am now Insanely Witchy Marauderette.**

**IWM for short. R&E&R **

I took out my Droobles gum, opened it, and started chewing.

Daddy started to annoy me, in the way he found out last week.

I hated Justinutte Beaver.

Maybe I should actually say her, I mean his, real name. Justin Bieber.

The girl.

He started singing 'Never Say Never'

I went up to him.

I blew a big bubble, and chewed.

For a long time.

"Why are you, like"-chew-"doing that, like" –chew – "stupid, like" – chew – "song, like" – chew – "it's so like" – chew- "stupid, like" – chew- "and bald, like" chew "and noseless, like", chew for a long time.

"BE QUIET!"

"and why, like" chew "are you so like" chew "loud, like", chew.

"Alice, BE QUIET!"

I chewed. Then I blew a really big bubble, and _**POP!**_

It had exploded all over voldy's face and baldness.

"ALICE!"

"EEP, LIKE!", I chewed and apparated away.

**I loved the "EEP, LIKE!", part, didn't you? Well, on with your reviewing.**

**Keep on reading! I think I should shorten this to fifty, because she's going to do a lot of people. So, the new title will be, '50 ways to annoy voldemort' **

**IWM**


	36. Metamorphuguses  and  Apparating

**Yes, I know it sucks, but I need balance. Look forward to the annoying of marauders by none other than Alice! R&E&R**

Daddy was reading the _Daily Prophet_ and grinning like mad.

"Daddy, let me show you something!", I called to him, wand at the ready.

He looked up, still smiling.

"Shoot", he called back.

I changed into black hair and red-eyes, with ivory skin, and apparated next to his chair quickly.

Then, I grew curly blonde locks, armed with a tan and blue eyes, apparating to the back of his chair.

Next was Indian-toned, green-eyed brunette, right at the entrance.

I went on with endless combinations and places.

"Alice? What's happening?", he called, confused.

I changed into long, curly black locks with Indian tone and gold-eyed.

"YES DADDY!", I screeched, apparating right in front of him.

"ALICE!"

I changed to some combo and apparated away, "EEK!"

**Yeah, sorry, it was short. REVIEW so I can UPDATE! Yeah, and I may not be able to update AT ALL in July, with my very own NaNo, just for me.**


	37. you can't hear butterflies

**R&E&R**

"Alice, get me tea", daddy ordered.

I grinned, and cupped my hand behind my ear. "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?", I hollered.

"I said, GET ME TEA!", he yelled.

"SPEAK UP!"

"GET ME TEA!"

I tried summoning the ear-trumpet thingy from the shelf above daddy.

As it was going over his head, I spotted a butterfly. I forgot the heavy ear-aid instrument, and it toppled over daddy.

This was a butterfly from the BLUE butterfly family, and it was brown!

"ALICE!", daddy bellowed.

The butterfly flew out of sight.

"BUTTERFLY!", I yelled, and apparated away.

**Hah! I loved the butterfly bit. REVIEW!**


	38. extra minty

**I'm on a roll! In July, probably no updates. Soz, but I'm having my own NaNo. Well, July's my birthday, so read! Enjoy! And REVIEW!**

I took my tictacs off my shelf. They were my favorite, the extra minty ones. Other people complained that it was too strong. But, hey.

I wonder if daddy will like them. Insert evil grin.

I skipped to the living room and popped a tictac into my mouth, savoring the strong mint.

I offered the box to daddy, and he looked clueless, but held out his hands. I poured out half the box into his hands. He shrugged and stuffed them into his mouth, as I intended.

Three-8-Seconds-8-Later

"TOO MINTY!", he yelled, fanning his mouth, dismantling some of the squashed in tictacs.

"SPICY!", he yelled, hopping around, the spicy after effects kicking in.

"ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE SPICY!", he yelled.

"Well, you're not supposed to take so many.", I shrugged.

"Maybe that helps"

"ALICE!"

"TICTAC!"

Apparated.

**I LOVE TICTACS! REVIEW!**


	39. Gay Guy

**THIRD UP_DATE AND NOT ON AN APPLE PIE HIGH!**

A thought occurred to me.

I poked daddy. "Do you like Bella?", I asked.

"Hell no! she's insane, and she's married!"

Harder poke. "Do you prefer _Snape_?"

"He's a guy!"

"Then old Dumbles?"

"He's OLD! And I'm going to kill the old fool!"

"Teasing brings us closer", I grinned wider.

"Which brings us to Harry Potter"

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"So is it Dracu-Draco?"

"I'M NOT GAY!", he yelled, and a hush fell over the room.

"Awkward", I sang.

"ALICE!"

"I PASSED MY APPARATION TEST!", and I apparated away.

**Yeah, I changed the rating. Or should it just be K+? and I'm hoping to finish by July, so once July's over I do marauders.**


	40. water balloon war

**FOURTH UPDATE!**

I lay waiting in ambush upon the roof, waiting for baldemort to come out for his early morning walk, when the world is asleep.

_Three… two… one…_

Anti-Repunzal walked out, and I aimed my ammunition carefully. Then, I launched.

_SPLAT!_

That was the hit of a water-balloon against a bald head.

"ARGH!"

"WAR!", I yelled, making a war cry.

I flung big water balloons at my target, soaking the snake with legs.

Once I was out of water-filled rubber, I relaxed.

"WHY!", he cried.

"I WAS JUST GIVING YOU A MUCH NEEDED SHOWER!", I yelled over the roof-top.

"ALICE!"

"STINKEMORT!", and with that, I apparated away.

**I wish we could do this at school… my sister is going to camp… with no technology (i.e. portable computer LOL) or NOVELS! And she has to camp in the school and take classes! She's gonna DIE!**


	41. Slash Fics

**Exposure to the world of slash!**

I led daddy to the computer, grave. "Daddy, maybe you should see this", I said somberly.

"What?"

"Slash!fics"

"What?"

"It means boy on by action"

I went to the site and opened up a slash with Dumbledore and him.

We read.

_Socks. I told him that what I wanted most in life was socks. While I wasn't about to tell him the truth, I could've thought of something better than socks. Sighing, I turn to look into the Mirror again. I try to pull myself away but lately I haven't been so successful. I find myself unable to sleep night after night. Sooner or later I find my way down here so I can look into the Mirror that tells me my deepest desire. As if I could ever forget._

_I blink into the Mirror and there I stand. I am fifty years young and with me is the young Voldemort._

_"Tom," I breathe and press my fingers against the glass as if I could reach in and bring Tom Riddle out. It's a foolish dream. Even in the past, I never had the nerve to get Tom to do what he does in the Mirror to my Mirror-self. I admit that I was very tempted at times to place Tom under either the Confounds or the Imperius Curse and force him to do this, but I never did. My loss._

_I think I was successful in hiding my desires. Certainly, Aberforth never noticed and we were bunking together at the time, I forget why. Of course, Aberforth was not known for his mental prowess, but that was-_

_My train of thought is interrupted, as it always is, by the Mirror- Tom kneeling in front of my Mirror-self. My Mirror-self looks at me, a very satisfied look on his face, as Tom slowly undresses him from the waist down. At this point, I always try to have some self-control and bring myself to look away from my deepest desire, but I never can. Tonight I do not try. I know that tomorrow I will bring the Mirror down to hide the Stone from Voldemort. I know he is somewhere in Hogwarts or has convinced one of his followers to get the Stone for him. I know it is not Snape. I trust Severus with my life._

_But, and it shames me to know that this is true, if Voldemort as Tom Riddle had ever asked for the Stone I would have gladly handed it over and Wizarding World be damned. I could not deny Tom anything. I knew he was evil. Even at a young age, I knew he would grow up to be something, someone, terrible. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was the Mirror- Tom oh so focused on giving my Mirror-self oral sex. My Mirror-self's face is locked in concentration and Tom's face is delightful and as beautiful as I can remember._

_"Enough," I say weakly. But I still do not turn away. I always watch until the end, as my Mirror-self raises Tom up and kisses him, marking him. My mouth always goes dry as I watch my Mirror-self taste himself on his young lover._

_Socks. Socks can't even compare._

Went daddy was finished, he was practically barfing.

"That's not the worst of it.", I warned.

"I SHALL KILL THIS_", he checks the screen.

"LIZ SKYWALKER!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist", I soothed him.

"And don't give them to Dumbledore either", I added with a cheeky grin.

"ALICE!"

"BUH BYE!", and insert apparition.

**Sorry, not flaming anyone, just searched slash, and copy pasted. It was research. REVIEW!**


	42. Gerber's baby food

**R&E&R**

"BREAKFAST TIME!", I yelled, and pulled out a jar of Gerber's Baby Food from the pantry.

"Who's that for?", daddy asked mildly.

"YOU!", I shouted. I yanked open the jar, pushed in the spoon and rammed it into his mouth.

"You need it to grow up and be healthy and strong.", I said, ramming another spoonful into his mouth.

"It's specially formulated baby food", I continued.

"And you've been in need of this for a long time", I said.

He swallowed.

"ALICE!"

"Good old times", and I apparated.

**Short. Odd. Ridiculous. Random. REVIEW!**


	43. Kitties  vs bunnies

**KITTIES!**

"Can I have a kitty?", I whined.

"No"

"Now?"

"I said, _no_"

"How about now?"

"For the final time, NO!"

"What if I say 'cat' in five different languages?"

"Still, NO!"

"Cat, English, kittun, Arabic, feline domesticat, Latin, paka, Swahili, un chat, French."

"I still say no"

"cat, kittun, feline domesticate, paka, un chat", I repeated.

- at night-

I knocked at the door of daddy's chamber.

He opened the door.

"What do you want?"

"Cat, kittun, feline domesticat, paka, un chat"

"NO!"

-next morning-

I waited until daddy had chewed twelve times, and stared at him full on.

"What?"

"Cat, kittun, feline domesticat, paka, un chat"

"FINE! I'LL GET YOU A KITTY!"

I blinked.

"I don't want a kitty"

"But… the languages…you… annoying…"

"It was fun. You should have seen your face!", I paused, and added, "Oh, and by the way, can I have a bunny?"

"ALICE!"

I apparated away.

**Does that mean no? REVIEW funds for Alice's bunny! To contribute, simply click button below, type a few kind words, and check off favorite story and author, and click a button!**


	44. Cinnamon

**LOVE YOU GUYS!**

I recently dug out my favorite stuffed animal, a dog by the name of Cinnamon.

It brought back one particular six-year-old memory.

_I aimed Cinnamon's bum at Ivan's, my older cousin's, nose._

_I gently squeezed Cinnamon's sides, and screeched, "Diarrhea, and it's all up your nose"_

"_Shut up", Ivan growled. My eyes widened._

"_You said a bad word…", I trailed off._

"_Bugger off", he gritted his teeth._

"_Maybe…", I was saved by my mother and aunt coming in._

Ah, the feeling of nostalgia.

"Back in business, Cinnamon", I grinned.

-downstairs-

I pointed Cinnamon's bum at daddy's non-existent nose.

"DIARRHEA, AND IT'S ALL UP YOUR NOSE!", I cackled.

"ALICE!"

That was quick. He grabbed Cinnamon, and ripped his head off.

After that, everything went in slow motion.

I slugged him in the stomach, picked up Cinnamon's remains, and apparated away.

"CINNAMON, YOU SHALL BE REVENGED!"

**I really did do the Cinnamon thing to my cousin. I still have him.**

**He's honey-bodied, and his ears are darker. He had a rope=like collar, which went double. **


	45. Hypocrital tape recordings

**READ ON!**

I flopped into a beanbag in the living room.

"Daddy, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot"

"All death eaters have to be pure-blooded, right?"

He nodded.

"Well, that's hypocrital", I pointed out.

"See, you are practically muggle-born. Your mom was a squib, and dad a muggle", I explained.

He hissed to Nagini. The great snake slithered up to me.

I gave a strangled hiss to it. Translation:_ I'll take care of _you_ later_

"Speak nothing of it!", he hissed.

I frowned "Oops", I pulled out the tape recorder.

"ALICE!"

"BYE!", and I apparated to the daily Prophet office to play them the message.

**The translation is important for the next chapter. **


	46. Nagini Meat

**Nagini Meat… CLASSIC!**

I acted the part to perfection.

"Hey, daddy", I said as I scanned _The Prophet_.

"The butcher in Knockturn Alley has a special offer on basilisk meat."

"What? Have you seen Nagini?", he said.

"No", I knitted my eyebrows together.

"Would you like some of the basilisk meat I butchered myself?"

"Sure"

I laid down a plate of meat.

He took a bite.

"THIS IS DELICIOUS!"

"TKANKS!"

"where'd you get basilisk meat, anyway?", he asked, gobbling the meat.

"Nagini. That's why you haven't seen her"

"NO! ALICE!"

"CINNAMON, YOU HAVE BEEN AVENGED!"

I apparated away

**Heh! **


	47. superior  muggles  and  butterflies

**Bald-ness, ahoy**

I crept into his chamber quietly.

I took out my supplies, and got to work on his sleeping body.

-the next morning-

Daddy stormed up to me.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!", he yelled, pointing to his head.

I had drawn a detailed diagram of a butterfly in the blue butterfly family, labeling the parts.

"I couldn't resist your bald, shiny head. It was perfect for the drawing."

"I'm washing it out"

"It's permanent marker. Invented by muggles. So, who's the superior NOW!"

"ALICE!"

Insert the apparating of a sixteen-year-old.


	48. Bad words

**WARNING: bad words. (ie stupid, shut up, the like)**

Worm tail was talking again.

"SHUT UP!", daddy bellowed.

I gasped. "Ooh…you said a bad word…"

"WHO IS SO STUPID AS TO…", he was cut off by my excessive gasping.

"ooh… you said a bad word", I breathed.

He looked suitably annoyed.

He looked around. "BELLA, WHERE IS MY GRAPEFRUIT, DAMMIT!"

"OOH!", my eyes went as wide as galleons. "YOU SAID A BAD WORD!"

"ALICE!"

I apparated away.

**Ha. REVIEW!**


	49. randomly unnamed

**BUNNIES!**

"When will you get me a bunny?"

"When pigs fly"

"Why don't they fly?"

"Because then, I'd have to get your bunny"

"Oh. Then here."

I levitated one of the farm pigs, and made it soar around the room.

"Can I have my bunny now?"

"No"

"LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!", I yelled.

Pause.

"Wait. Maybe…TELLER OF UNTRUTHS, YOUR TROUSERS HAVE COMBUSTED!"

"I'm not wearing trousers."

"TELLER OF UNTRUTHS, YOUR ROBES HAVE COMBUSTED!"

"But they haven't"

"_Incendio"_

"ALICE! THOSE WERE MY BEST DRESS ROBES!"

"_AQUAMENTI!_ DAMMIT! IT WON'T WORK!"

"_THAT'S A FIRE POKER!_"

"FOUND MY WAND!"

"ALICE!"

"BUH BYE!"

**One more left!**


	50. British  Accents  and Horcruxes

**I'm going to miss you guys. *tears up* GROUP HUG!**

"Daddy", I said, walking in with my luggage.

"Since this is my last day, can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Why don't _you_ have a British accent?"

"What?"

"You heard me. The trio have it. Dracula has it. heck, even ol' Dumbles has it. why not you?"

"Um…"

"Maybe the British part of your soul, which was in a Horcrux was found by Dumbles?"

"He didn't find any!"

"oh", I said gravely.

"But he did"

"Wait, how did you know about the Horcruxes?"

"You have a diary and the ability to sleep heavily", I paused. "When drugged"

"_**ALICE!**_"

"Off to the station!"

**Good-bye, my wonderful, wonderful reviewers and readers. Tune in for Marauder Annoyingness!**

**~IWM**


End file.
